Is it possible to find love if you are facially disfigured?

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The above title was a question thrown into a Google search, and it led to one of my blogs at hickeysworld.com. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get around to blogging about the subject at the time, but here are my thoughts now.

The answer is most emphatically ‘yes’, it is possible to find love if you are facially disfigured. In my long and torturous path to finding myself and removing the blackness that surrounded me, I believed that I would never find love, that no girl or woman would ever see beyond my face. No matter how often people said looks didn’t matter, or that there were plenty of girls who would see beyond my face, I thought I hadn’t a chance. Personality matters, people said, but I didn’t believe them. Who would want me? I thought.

The older I got the more I realised that life is for living, and most people couldn’t care less whether you’re beautiful or facially disfigured. Once they get to know you – and it’s up to you to let those barriers down and allow others to know the real you – then they will embrace you heartily. Rejection is something everyone suffers, and finding love isn’t easy whatever your face looks like. Everyone suffers romantic setbacks – and I mean everyone. I suffered my fair share. It took me a long time between these rejections to dust myself down and start again, but a lot of my problems related to a lack of self worth, an inferiority complex, and fear. I projected too much about the future instead of concentrating on the present.

I have been married for 29 years (30 next March) and each day I thank my lucky stars that I met Trish (that’s the two of us in the picture). She was willing to take a chance on meeting me for the second time and from there our love blossomed. In the UK, Katie Piper was the victim of an acid attack, suffered horrendous facial disfigurement, yet has found love and has a beautiful daughter. In Australia, Turia Pitt suffered severe facial and body injuries in a bush fire, but her boyfriend did not lose his love for her.

There are many facially disfigured people in this world, and quite a few have risen above their condition to find love, marry and have children. But you won’t find love sitting at home and hiding away from the world: you must step outside your comfort zone and be visible. It’s not easy – that first step is the hardest. But if others like myself can do it so can you.

Feel free to contact me at tomhickey.tom@gmail.com

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6 thoughts on “Is it possible to find love if you are facially disfigured?

  1. Thank you for this post/email Tom. It is something I worry about, or have worried about. I’m facially disfigured and an amputee, so I have feared my chances of finding love and having a full life with marriage and children. I know it will happen though, I am still very young and I’m not in a rush to find love at the moment. It will come to me in time. Thanks for the boost with your email.  Take care,

    Kelly Jackson

    07769220705

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  2. We spend too much time focusing on the negative rather than the positive, so learn from me and don’t repeat my mistakes. You have a beautiful future because you are beautiful, Kelly – inside and out. Love will come find you.

  3. Ive been facially disfigured for 20 years this year, i am 39 and have never found love, im trying to except that I never will. Its hard.

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