When Daire arrived home yesterday evening on a flying visit – it was just an overnighter – it was all systems go. We hadn’t seen him since Christmas, although he stays in touch with regular FaceTime calls to keep us up-to-date on his incredible life, while we try but fail to match his.
Anyway, as luck would have it he didn’t arrive until 6.15pm, so I had to scrap plans to attend my first company night out (to celebrate Teamwork.com winning the best SME in Cork award). Instead he took us to Greene’s restaurant where we enjoyed a delicious meal, some laughs and wonderful conversation.
Of course we’re immensely proud of Daire and his sister, Sarah Jane. Both are fantastic and never gave us a problem growing up. But I was thinking as he chatted away how confident he is, and where did he get that positivity? I realised, of course, that Trish and I had instilled it in him by always being supportive and encouraging him to do his best.
Like most people I am great at giving advice but I rarely take my own! I have ideas and never express them and ambitions I never follow up on. I have always suffered from that lack of faith in my judgments and been afraid to take risks in life. Not all the time, of course, but most of the time.
Had I had even half of Daire’s confidence I might have achieved more. My own doubts and insecurities acted as impediments and I usually kept my mouth shut when I should have spoken up. Fear of relationships and meeting people, of being afraid to make mistakes – all have limited my horizons.
Some of us don’t like being outside our comfort zone. If you had said to me when I left the Irish Examiner that I would end up working in a project management software company, in an environment where ideas are encouraged and the working atmosphere is so positive, I would have said ‘no way’. I would have focused on the negatives – my age for one thing.
And yet here I am two (almost) months into a new career and loving the challenge.
Why do we limit ourselves? I have no idea, although in my case it goes back to lacking self-confidence because of my face. I ended up pinning all of my problems on that instead of just getting on with life. So easy to say, but so hard to do.
I’m still a work in progress, still working on building on the positives, but I’m getting there! No point in looking back with regrets, just get on with living.